Couch Potato
by LouC
Summary: Tony is snooping around Ziva's desk and finds furniture catalogues. After making her paranoid about choosing, he helps her. Inspired by all the great Monte Carlo festival photos! I don't own NCIS sadly...


**If you've been following the Monte Carlo photos, you know where this crazy thing came from. Also, apologies to anyone who likes avocado coloured furniture… If it makes you feel better, I love to eat them (the fruit that is not the furnitures).**

**0o0o0o0o0**

"What are you doing at my desk, Tony?" Ziva asked with more than a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Furniture catalogues, David?" he replied. "You doing some Ninja Decorating over the weekend?"

"Not that it is any of your business," she hissed as she pushed him out of her chair, "But I have to buy a new couch. I had a bit of a problem with a mouse and most of the stuffing was…redirected."

"Oh. I hate mice. They are just like teeny little rats," Tony shuddered. "You want me to come over and get rid of the varmint?"

"Thankyou, it is taken care of," Ziva replied, patting the hip where her knife was concealed.

"Ok then," Tony grinned. One less mouse for him to worry about. "What kind of couch are you getting?"

"What does it matter so long as it is comfortable?" Ziva frowned at her partner.

"Well, it is the biggest piece of furniture in the room." Tony said as if it were obvious. "It draws your eye. It needs to stand out, but blend in. Do you want fabric or leather? Oo get leather. Leather is slick and sophisticated..." he trailed off when Ziva started laughing at him.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"How do you know all this?" she asked.

"HGTV," he replied. "You would be surprised the time I have on my hands these days."

"Oh." That did not sound so funny. "Well, I was going to get one of those couches that folds down into a bed. A…what do you call it here?"

"A futon?" he offered.

"Oh. Huh. That is what I call it too."

"But you can't get one of those." Tony picked up the catalogues again. "They suck as a couch and they suck as a bed. You will be sorry. You've got to get a proper fold out couch if you need space for a guest. Get a comfy one too. You've got to test the bed."

"Test the bed?" Ziva asked incredulously. "You think I will be lying on couches in a store?"

"You have to," Tony said simply. "You can't trust how soft it looks. You have to actually pull out the bed and try it. And pretend to be a man when you do it. We are heavier. Feel for springs and stuff."

"Oh. Ok, I guess that makes sense." Ziva took back her catalogues and realized she would have to start her search all over again.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Blerghargh what?" Tony mumbled into his phone. What time was it anyway?

"Um. You were asleep still, Tony? It is tenhundred already! Late night?" the caller teased.

"Ziva? We got a call out?" Tony was more alert now. "We're rostered off."

"No call out. I am sorry for waking you. Goodbye." She hung up.

Tony sighed and pushed his speed dial 4. After his voicemail, Gibbs and the pizza place on the corner, Ziva was his most dialed number.

"David" she answered.

"I am awake now," Tony said. "No late night, I am just lazy. I should be up. Why did you call?"

"I need you, Tony," Ziva blurted. "You have made me paranoid with your leather and your springs and your man comfort."

"You need me? To help you choose a couch. After you made fun of me watching HGTV." Tony rolled out of bed and started towards the bathroom. "Give me thirty minutes. I'll call when I'm leaving to see where you are."

"Thanks. And I am sorry for waking you up," Ziva said sincerely. "I will buy you lunch to make up for it."

"Deal." Tony grinned and hung up.

0o0o0o0o0

Half an hour later, Tony called as promised. He was quite hungry and was looking forward to lunch with his partner. Especially if she was buying.

He pushed redial. "Hey, I'm ready where are you?" he asked as he pulled on his shoes.

"I am at the store opposite that home depot," Ziva answered. "The one with both Burger King and McDonalds next door. I still say that is entirely unnecessary. Like consumers need both to be..."

"Choice. Competition. Consumerism. It is the American way, Ziva. It is your way now," Tony laughed. "I know where you mean, see you in twenty."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"I don't like the colour," Ziva tilted her head and squinted at the large leather couch in front of her. "It is too…"

"Avocado. I agree. It does not go with anything you own." Tony nodded as he sat up. "The style is good though. It is very comfortable inside and out. All 6'1' of me is happy right now."

"Yes, I like the design very much. Does this come in other colours?" she asked the salesman.

"It does, it comes in that chocolate brown you liked on the last model I showed you. But only the avocado is on sale."

"I wonder why," Tony muttered, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs. "Ow, Ziva. You said it was ugly first!"

"I know. I am sorry," she sighed. "We have been looking for hours. Everything we see is too expensive, too ugly, too hard or too…avocado."

"I know. This is harder than I expected." Tony agreed. He turned to the salesman and asked hopefully, "We are pretty annoying customers. I did make you fold every bed out. Want to give us the discount price on the chocolate just to get rid of us?"

The salesman laughed. "I'd love to. You guys are the funnest couple I've served in ages. But I'd be in so much trouble. You would not believe how tough my boss is."

"Oh I bet we would," Ziva smiled, letting the 'couple' comment slide. "It is ok. I will look at a few more models then decide."

"I'll be at the counter when you're ready, ma'am," the salesman smiled back and left them to themselves.

"I think you need to look on your own for a bit," Tony suggested. "See what jumps out at you. I am sorry I made you paranoid, you are the one that has to live with this couch every day."

"Ok, I will look over there again," Ziva sighed, crestfallen. "I really like this one but it is just too expensive without the sale price."

In the moment Tony made a decision which surprised him. He supposed he could rationalize it away as selfish if he thought about his own comfort when watching movies at her house. But deep down he knew it was because she loved it had he wanted her to be happy. And he did not want to look at avocado. Tony motioned for the salesman who came quickly. After a minute of whispered conversation, Tony slipped him something and the salesman nodded and returned to the counter.

Satisfied with his decision, Tony walked around and looked at some outdoor furniture. Not that his apartment had an outdoors to put it in. He was more tired than he would admit after his impromptu Bond marathon the night before.

Tony stifled a yawn as he sat on a brown wicker couch. It was barely a two seater but he supposed there might be some advantage in that if you had the right company. Tony watched Ziva moving around the other side of the store and curled his legs up, laying his head on his right arm. He would just close his eyes for a second while she looked. He did not need to sleep at all…

0o0o0o0o0o0

For the second time that day Tony was woken by an unwelcome noise. This time it was not his phone but someone laughing that disturbed him.

"What?" he grumbled. "So I fell asleep. Sue me"

"You fell asleep on the smallest, most uncomfortable couch in here," Ziva pointed out. "After making me paranoid and dragging me to five furniture stores today because couch buying requires style and man comfort, you fell asleep on an overgrown laundry basket." She was now laughing uncontrollably.

"It is not that funny," Tony growled as he sat up. "Ironic maybe but hilarious? No. Spill."

"You are ready for lunch?" Ziva asked. "Well, early dinner at 1630 but I promised."

"Don't change the subject, David. What is so funny," Tony demanded.

"Oh, only this," she showed him a picture on her phone. "You will be wanting to go to McDonalds yes? To use the playground and have a happy meal," she burst into laughter again.

"I was, it is just, I can't believe you took a photo!" Tony squeaked. Ok, he could believe the photo part.

"You look so innocent. Do you always suck your thumb? Or is it because you used up all your manliness on the 'HGTV guide to testing fold out beds'?" she snorted.

"Honestly? I have no idea if that has ever happened before!" Tony admitted, inspecting the tooth marks on his left thumb. "Weird. Oh please don't tell McGoo!"

"Do not worry, Tony." Ziva composed herself. "Your secret is safe with me. Besides, at least you were not snoring. That would have been really embarrassing."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"I'm gonna get you, if it's the last thing I do!" the kid screamed as he followed his friend, weaving through the tables. 

Ziva smiled at the look on Tony's face. He was quite possibly considering joining the boys in their pursuit. "Don't," she advised. "You will become stuck in the tunnel and get us both kicked out. Again."

Tony blushed. "I was not going to…Ok. Maybe I was but only because his grip on his imaginary weapon wrong. Totally unsafe!" Tony took a large bite of his cheeseburger and smiled.

"I believe you should be wearing this," Ziva teased as she produced a cardboard crown from under the table and balanced it on Tony's head. "Smile!" she snapped a photo. "To go with the other one," she explained.

Tony rolled the crown down his arm like a top hat and put it on Ziva's head with a flourish. "So, which couch did you choose?" he asked innocently.

Ziva took off the crown, becoming serious. "You know which one I chose, Tony. And I insist that you let me pay you back."

"That snitch. He promised that he would say the manager let him discount after all and…" he trailed off at her grin. "He didn't rat me out at all did he?"

"No," Ziva admitted. "But I suspected. You really shouldn't have."

"I wanted to. Besides, I could never have visited you again with that avocado monstrosity waiting for me. It would ruin every movie ever made knowing what I was sitting on," he played the selfish option, hoping it would spare him at least a few fingers.

"Well tomorrow night I am cooking dinner and you can enjoy our handiwork while watching the movie of your choice," Ziva insisted. "Although, in light of today's revelation I suggest '_The Lion King'_ or perhaps '_Finding Nemo'_."


End file.
